As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
