how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
