I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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