I could make wine with my vomit
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
