just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
