he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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