did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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