mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
