Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
