my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
