mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize