the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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