Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
