just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
