how can u be prego again
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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