I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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