i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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