just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
