the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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