Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
