The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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