i already hear my dad disowning me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just want nice things and good sex
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
