At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
