so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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