i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
