Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
