Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
