you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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