your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
