someone get that fucking seahorse.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
God I need to hump something, right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
