I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
