the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
