My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
