he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
