i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
ok first of all what the fuck
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