It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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