If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
