just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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