i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
