...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
