that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
