Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
