I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
