I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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