Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i out mim tonsoeep
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