blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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