yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
