I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
