grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
