I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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