Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
