if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
