now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
