someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
