I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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