dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
