So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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