i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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