im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
