Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
