I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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