there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
