Are we in a gay sports bar?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
