what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
