i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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