I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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