the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
