Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
