My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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