Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
