So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
