I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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