just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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