We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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