Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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