i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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