You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
